| Home again |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|04:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | p. rents house | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | broken | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David Bowie | ] |
Yeah so I left Spokane to travel for awhile but im back in this place again. It's weird because not much has changed except me and that is making me feel strange a bit.....or maybe its the broken ankle.....who knows. Everybody here is stuck in the same rut that I was leaving to escape from. Some worse than others. But now i've got the wonderful task of finding a sit down job for awhile which basically means being on the phone....lame. |
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| on the road to recovery |
[May. 1st, 2006|04:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | tana's computer | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | regina spektor | ] |
SO my surgery went really well and I already got my stitches out today and I am already doing lots of physical therapy and blah blah blah......Im dating Bobby and im so happy I could bust and shoot happiness and pretty flowers everywhere. Plus it's springtime and I love it alot alot alot! i love the flowers and all the baby animals and birds chirping and sunlight and the prospect of barter fairs getting closer and closer. And I talked to Tyler and he said he would wait for me to be healed and then we can get a place together!!!! That is super exciting because i love Tyler so much and we are going to be the best roommates......but yeah Im procrastinating and i have to go catch a bus and go to the river to celebrate belting....but if any of you are at all interested in singer songwriters wih really cool and different and awesome voices check out regina spektor ....especially the album Soviet Kitsch.You can listen to all of her music on her website www.reginaspektor.com ....ta ta for now. |
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| Im gettin fixed!! |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|07:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bi-polar | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green fuse | ] |
I have surgery on 420 at 6 am...YAY and scary as all hell at the same time....so I expect lots of calls and visits damnit!! |
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| what the hell |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|03:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nick Drake | ] |
So Im sitting in my "new again" home at my parents house and ive actually never had thoughts about wheter or not staying alive is something I want until the last month. I dont know what is wrong....Im fucking stronger than this I know it. But I just cant handle things anymore. I dont think I really want to die I just dont want to live anymore....I wish I could just hibernate forever. I know this is just me being emo but I am not a happy person at all right now. there are things that I have let happen to me in life lately and Im not really sure how and why they have happened. I am sad that I'm stuck with my parents again for awhile....I really feel like it has kind of sent me on a sick confusing tailspin. I feel like a child and it is ridiculous.....but I also feel like moving out even just for awhile made me put up a mental wall that blocked out my accident but now that Im back here I just feel weak again. I also feel weak because my spirit has been broken down.....and I feel like there is no one to blame other than myself. Even though I didnt give him any reason to treat me in the way that he did....I just let it happen because if I did anything to try and save myself a little dignity....it would blow up in my face and make everything worse. I felt so small and alone that I didn't know what to do.....I still don't I guess because he still fucking tears me down every chance he gets......I cnat even explain how it feels to be emotionally mauled when all you do is try everything within your power to make the people around you and the ones you love and care about happy if any type of happiness is possible for them. Every one learns the golden rule in elementary right? Well I fucking wish to be treated in the same manner I treat people. So thank you to those of you who actually treat me like a human being....because i don't think that it is ever fair for a genuinely happy person such as myself to be made to feel like i've been feeling lately. |
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| praying to the porcelian god |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|01:26 pm] |
GRRRRRRRRR!!!!! SO I was supposed to be in seattle/bellingham this weekend but instead I have been stuck in the bathroom for the last 2 days with a gastrointestinal virus.lame .I am seriously so incredibly bummed out that all day long yesterday I cried and got super depressed and it was ridiculous.I need something to fucking do....I want the fuck out of this city and
i want Clayton!!!!I miss you baby!....anyhow im pissed and sad and thats all for now. |
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| gonja confetti cake? |
[Feb. 23rd, 2006|06:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  jubilant | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sgt peppers lonely hearts club | ] |
SO I was sitting on my couch watching aquateen with luciana and holliday and my aunt calls me and tells me thet she just found 4 hundred dollars which belong to me in her freezer......sweet.and then my mom says oh yeah and by the way theres 1200 dollars in savings bonds from all of your birthdays in my safety deposit box.....so score!!!! Im stoked...and I made gonja confetti cake the other night nad it was ridankulous...uh huh.......thats all.....Im excited......it feels good to feel secure |
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| whoa shit |
[Feb. 18th, 2006|02:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | vespertine | ] |
Dude life is crazy.......I hate how decieving it can be when everything seems so pleasant.....its not that everything is unpleasant now I guess its just the same as when you get bored and used to a painting that youve been working on for awhile and you thought is was super bad ass until all of a sudden....moment of clarity......i dunno.....im not un happy with things, they have just lost their lustre.... |
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| fuck first impressions when your hangin with lucy in the sky |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|05:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | bob marley | ] |
Ok so seriously I cannot believe that I liked that cute boy....he is the most annoying and clingy and intenses person ive ever met.....I swear to god I could barely say one word and then he was like I wanna kiss you and then I couldnt get rid of him....he fucking drove me insane...not to mention that it was the first time I hung out with him since I met him and I was frying my proverbial balls off....i seriously freaked out and wanted him to leave so badly..I was just trippin really hard and he was giving me the fear........so yeah thats over Im never talking to him ever again in my entire life. ........but on the plus side of things, right now im painting my new room in Johns house and Im getting all my shit ready to move out and it feels SSSOOOO fucking good to finally actually be getting out.....and I love john so much I think we are gonna be good roommates....and when holliday moves in that will be awesome!...also I got like 5 good leads on jobs so im feeeling fairly secure and happy at the moment and I cant wait to really be out of my house for good and away from my parents bullshit and to let them get away from mine.......but yeah if any of you feel like it I would really appreciate some other people coming over and creating art on my walls...I have all the paint and supplies I just want some people to come and add to the masterpiece....so yeah call me....love and peace. |
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| I met a cute boy....whoo hoo |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|11:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  and guilty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | godspeed you black emperor | ] |
i am so giddy like a little school girl...and even though I was totally not in the correct state of mind when I met this cute boy I have really connected with him since and I think that something good and completely exciting is going to come about from this....so....YAY Im stoked.....he is really fucking cute and he calls me brook trout...and i cannot even begin to explain how fucking adorably cute I think that is.....my entire family used to call me that. And he calls me all the time just to talk to me because he says i make him really happy....and that makes me really happy and so does he.....hehehehe....I just wanna giggle when I think about it!
 ( I dont know the people on the edges except that the guys name is don and he was really high and wanted us all to get naked and rub eachother with oil and the chick is his poor wife)
but also I am a dumbass and need to quit fucking people who I really dont want to be with AT ALL!!!!! But I just get fucked up and want a bed to sleep in and wake up with their face between my legs....wtf? what the hell am i supposed to do....I mean I know what im supposed to do... but damn it!!! I need to quit getting fucked up is the thing ....at least with people who will try shit......but thats all....I hope that person doesnt somehow catch wind of how much i am pissed at myself for sleeping with them..... |
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| and now the purple dust of twilight time steals across the meadows of my heart |
[Jan. 12th, 2006|01:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tegan and Sara | ] |
Today was kind of a good day....I had a good dinner and great company.....yet still I am just being steamrolled over by all of this bullshit that needs to be dealt with.....
-I need to go job hunting
-I need to have a really important convo with one of my best friends about something that terrifies me
-I need to call about 800 people and apologize for things
-Ive got to get out of the habit of up all night sleep all day
Im not done but im bored with making a list.....so yeah I just need to get the shit straight in my life and try to get back to normal....that is adjust to my new normal....where every thing is really hard and no one really understands..but I did take cute pictures with my favorite girl on the earth!
I love you baby! |
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| uh huh |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|04:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the faint | ] |
I AM:: insane but its ok because most of my friens are too
I WANT:: to sleeep
I HAVE:: an amazing talent for screwing up
I WISH:: people knew the real me
I HATE:: school
I MISS:: simplicity
I FEAR:: being alone forever
I HEAR:: the faint
I SEARCH:: for meaning in life
I WONDER:: why I suck so much sometimes
I REGRET:: pretty much all of highschool
I LOVE:: alot of people who will never even know how much those words really mean when they come out of my mouth
I ACHE:: in my soul
I ALWAYS:: listen to music
I AM NOT:: anything that I am not naturally
I DANCE:: all the time
I SING:: almost constantly
I WRITE:: an awful lot
I CONFUSE:: probably alot of people and myself
I NEED:: to get away and start over again
I SHOULD:: get a job and stop partying
YES OR NO
You keep a diary:: yes....a journal of thoughts really
You have a secret journal:: yeah
You set your watch a few minutes ahead:: i should wear one
You bite your nails:: yes
You believe in love:: yes
WHO IS
The weirdest person you know:: levi
The Loudest Person you Know:: Jon mancheni
The Sexiest Person you Know:: brad wakefield
The Person that Knows the Most About You:: myself
Your Crush?:: Tyler
Most Boring Teacher:: gruenke
WHAT IS
Your most overused phrase on IM::lol
The last image/thought you go to sleep with:: starry night
TAKE A SHOWER EVERY DAY.:: mostly
Have a(any) crush(es):: indeed
Think you know you've been in love:: yes
Want to get married:: of course
Have any tattoos/where?:: not yet
Piercings/where?:: two in each ear and my tongue
Get motion sickness:: I rode the super round up 24 times in a row and permanently threw off my equilibrium
Think you're a health freak:: no and yes
Get along with your parents:: touchy subject
Like thunderstorms:: heck yeah
WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?
Ryan:: Emery
Rob:: my crazy redneck cousin
Drew:: drew barrymore
Heather:: my neighbor
Will:: Will brandenburg...6th. grade talent show...singing armageddon theme by aerosmith...hilarity
Paul:: beatles
Eve:: reminds me of evie...which reminds me of thirteen
John:: fricken played out name I know waaaay too many
Laura:: crowley...dating kris Buska...wtf mate?
RANDOM
NATURAL HAIR COLOR:: blonde
CURRENT HAIR COLOR:: blonde
EYE COLOR:: blue
PARENTS:: parental unit #1 and parental unit #2
SIBLINGS:: bre
LIVE WITH:: parents for a little while longer
FAVORITE
NUMBER:: I hate numbers
COLOR:: all of them
DAY:: saturday
MONTH:: june
SONG:: imagine
FOOD:: teriyaki chicken stirfry
SEASON:: summer
SPORT:: softball
DRINK:: water
PREFERENCES
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT? depends on my mood...I like to cuddle though
CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLATE? hot chocolate
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? why is this all about chocolate I don't even eat it usually
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? vanilla
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU
CRIED? yes
HELPED SOMEONE? yes
GOTTEN SICK? yes
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? yes
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? no
TALKED TO AN EX? no
MISSED AN EX? yes
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? yes
TALKED TO SOMEONE YOURE CRUSHING ON? yes
MISSED SOMEONE? yes
HUGGED SOMEONE? yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? yes
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? no |
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| If music be the food of love..then why are we all starving? |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|07:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | vanilla sky soundtrack | ] |
WOW friday night was intense...I made up a rap about my friend steph...lol it was like...my name is steph.... and I dont give a damn....Im like the guy on my shirt..... and he says BITCH SCRAM!" yeah thats that..... i love this....
If music be the food of love,
Sing on till I am fill'd with joy;
For then my list'ning soul you move
To pleasures that can never cloy.
Your eyes, your mien, your tongue declare
That you are music ev'rywhere.
Pleasures invade both eye and ear,
So fierce the transports are, they wound,
And all my senses feasted are,
Tho' yet the treat is only sound,
Sure I must perish by your charms,
Unless you save me in your arms.
If music be the food of love, sing on
'til I am filled with joy, sing on, sing on, sing on |
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| Hey teacher....leave them kids alone |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|02:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Shins | ] |
So I just went to see The Wall and of course it was the perfect over-all sensory experience...who doesn't want to sit in a theater in a warm sleeping bag-like jacket and listen to Pink Floyd for the better part of two hours. enough said....I am in a f-ing tripped out mood right now...wow I think I'm going to go to bed and stare up at the ceiling into Starry Night and lose myself in Vincent Van Gogh's warped reality and listen to the Garden State sound track....yes....this was the best night ever!! |
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| meet me in montauk |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|04:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | pessimistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Zeppelin | ] |
So last night was really fun oh my goodness......Heather and Kim and I went all the way out to loon lake to a.....yes....wait for it.....ow my finger is cramping........ready....A M-F-ING SHED PARTY!!!!!.....lol so yeah we sat in this shed...which was like renovated into a mini apartment..... and chilled with a bunch of cool guys...the ratio was 3-8 lol it was hella fun. JT played guitar and sang for us....oh 3-9....I forgot about this on guy named David who was abercrombie and fitch-alicious(even though I'm not into that) and his sweatshirt said montauk and that took me off into an Eternal Sunshine tangent. Yeah but we watched a funny movie and it was intense. Like one of the best nights of my life......Eric kept looking up and being like....wow I'm lit...lol. I love when people do that! Yeah but yesterday was a long day...I got woken up at 8 in the morning by my aunt...the cool one... to tell me that I was going to FLORIDA over spring break....for free....with out parental #1 and without parental #2 YAAAY. Then I went to get coffee from Tanya and to Lemony Snickets with the Steph-meister. It was AWESOME!!! But when I came home shit hit the fan with my mom. We got into a huge fight and then I had to babysit (I made 4 fucking dollars....! WTF MATE). Then we fought more and she told me to get the fuck out of her house because she hates me and I just said I fucking hate you too and left. I felt bad for my dad though because he isn't a prick and he was stuck with mom after I left. yeah so today I have been cleaning non-stop and getting ready to move out as soon as I have money. Yep I have thrown away a bunch of shat...and it feels good...anyways peace out. |
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| HELLO |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|11:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | productive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Duran Duran | ] |
Hello to all my peeps....what is shakin? well I figured I'd jump onto the old proverbial bandwagon and get a blog here as well...love and peace
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